My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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