I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
