I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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