I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
