i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
