i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you would pick up someone in the library
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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