If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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