i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
