then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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