im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
