my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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