A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
These tits shall not be calmed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
