Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
