I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
