If that was your dad, he is hot
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
