I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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