just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
