I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
