i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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