The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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