i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
