yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
