There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
