I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
