i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
