i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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