I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
