Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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