It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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