You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He called his prostate his "boner button".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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