I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
