dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
