Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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