So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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