Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
