i think my tv is drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
