I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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