Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
