is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
