Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
