you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
