I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
