ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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