U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
