Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
