He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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