Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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