Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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