and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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