Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
