After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
