fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
