I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
