Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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