Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
