I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
