Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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