I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize