With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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