none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
