can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize