i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
