saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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