I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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