Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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