the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
