when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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