Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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