I just threw up on my dentist
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My ass is underappreciated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
