When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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