I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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