home. puking in laundry basket.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
