dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
