when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
