My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
