we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
