I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize