i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
