it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
