shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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