He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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