you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
