I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize