david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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