they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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